Geoffreys point of view. 'A Bed Amongst The Nails'

Geoffrey's point of view: My life of displeasing the one I love...

[Geoffrey stands, looking out of his living room window. Wearing an oversized cassock, academic hood and a surplice, English style, he watches the children playing outside.]

Jesus. That is what my life is about. Other than religion, being a vicar and following rules there is nothing else I can think of daily. Well, of course there is Susan, my wife. However, being a vicar makes me important. I am there to encourage others and tell them what religion can do, which is to make something out of them.

[Looking up at the clouds, he sighs deeply]

I am not oblivious to Susan’s pain and suffering. Although I do know that I am one of the people causing it. Does she still love me? I wonder. She has made a great asset to being the vicar’s wife, abiding to the rules and giving others her opinions. I must give her credit for that.

Admitting that Susan had a drinking problem was probably a big step for her, one that should have been handled much earlier. I know it was her who stole the holy communal wine. Her depressive behaviour is not one that I tend to hang around; therefore leaving the premises before she is awake tends to be a habit of mine. I hate to see her in that mood, it breaks my heart.

[Pause]

My duties of being a vicar are to hold religious services such as communal worship, marriages, funerals and christenings. It can sometimes be a sad day if I have to hold a funeral, remembering those who used their lives, no doubt if Susan carries on drinking; she may be here sooner than later. Would I want to do the service? No I wouldn’t. Not out of spite but because she has been there for me through everything and even though we aren’t as close as we were when we first married, unbelievably I still love her.

[Turning away from the window, he lowers himself carefully into an armchair. smoothing out the creases in his cassock]

Being a vicar, I do get a lot of attention by females. I do not however want to be with any of those females. I can almost be certain that, that is why Susan is giving me the cold shoulder. She is jealous... That or the fact that we haven’t had a sexual attraction since she started her drinking habits. She pleads me with her eyes to give her what she wants, but I can’t, not when she is drunk. It’s like taking advantage.

Even refusing to give her sexual pleasure, gives her a reason to want to drink more. It revolts me. Drinking is for special occasions not for everyday use.

I was concerned when I was told that Susan had slipped down the altar stairs. It’s not every day that woman slips just like that. She was taken home and I came home to see if she was okay. She was asleep... So I decided to go back out again and continue my duties, sure that she probably wouldn't be awake for the next few hours.

When I got home, Susan was gone. I find it rather annoying that when one of us is home the other is out. She arrived home later on that night carrying a shopping bag full of alcohol and our normal, decent tinned food. It’s only recently, she comes home this late, but I was far from mulling over the situation and so just said ‘night’ and went to bed. I fell asleep not long after she slid into bed next to me.

[Trudging upstairs, no longer waiting for anything important, he slowly undresses, getting great comfort after slipping on his nightwear and sliding beneath the quilt]

Like normal... she was keeping her distance from me.

Gemma Lucas